Author: Anonymous

Open communication is key for a good working environment, effective collaboration, and a healthy relationship with your co-workers and supervisors. The ability to communicate well is crucial for working efficiently and successfully- especially during a doctorate. It is well known that a doctorate comes with a multitude of challenges unrelated to the actual research itself. Young researchers often face problems that are not only related to completely neutral working topics but are also on a personal level, which brings emotions into the mix. This includes problems with co-workers and quite often with the supervisor.

Being emotionally involved makes it more challenging to communicate issues effectively and in a constructive manner. The real problem then is often not the actual problem, but rather the stimulated emotions. To make matters worse, communicating feelings at work is still sometimes perceived as unprofessional, weak, and inappropriate when precisely the opposite is true. Good communication is essential for maintaining not only a healthy working environment, but also good mental health and a free mind. In addition, learning how to communicate effectively leads to both personal and interpersonal growth. So, what IS the best way to communicate your problems and how it makes you feel?

While there is no one single solution for all problems, here are some general pointers:

Before reacting impulsively with strong emotions, take a deep breath and try to distance yourself from the situation. Practice some self-awareness. What is it that you are feeling? Understand your own emotions, so you can express yourself more clearly. Depending on the situation, it might be helpful to talk to a trusted friend or colleague about the circumstances. Maybe write down what the problem is and how it makes you feel. Where did this problem originate, and do you have a solution you could propose? Do you think you can solve the problem by yourself? If not, don’t hesitate to tackle the issue.

When addressing problems, remember: the time and place matter. Choose a moment when both parties are receptive. Talk somewhere where you will not be interrupted or disturbed. Both parties should take the time needed to discuss with no time limit.

When communicating your problems, try to be as clear and specific as possible. Explain your problems and interests and if possible, give concrete examples. This helps the other party understand the issue and makes the issue tangible.

People tend to quickly feel attacked, therefore when talking about the problem, use “I-statements”. Employ phrases such as “This gives me the feeling…” or “This gives me the impression…” and avoid direct confrontations like “You are…” or “You always do XYZ…”. Criticism in any situation should remain constructive. By staying with your emotions, it shifts the focus to your feelings and promotes empathy.

Try to express how a problem is affecting you, how it makes you feel. This more constructive than blaming or attacking the other person directly, which should be avoided. Direct criticism of a person can hurt the other party, incite retaliation, and create even more problems.

There are different points of view for every problem. The main goal is for all parties to understand each others’ points of view. This can help deescalate the situation and hopefully lead to a resolution.

Listen to the other party and allow them to answer without interruption. Keep in mind that their feelings are also valid. Try to understand their point of view and listen to their interests. If the situation becomes emotional, make sure to stay calm and respectful to foster a more positive outcome. Be open to apologizing when needed or appropriate. Maybe the other party did react out of emotions as well and both of you can approach each other. Try to stay in the present with a focus on the future. Do not be too hung up on the past.

There are often dependencies in a working environment which you cannot easily dissolve or also do not intend to. That is why it is important to seek for a solution together which is suitable for all parties. Try to find areas of agreement upon which you can build.

You can use expressions such as: “I feel like we are stuck, and I understand that the underlying reasons could be this and this. I would need a more supportive collaboration, and therefore I would appreciate X and Y. Of course, I want to support you on the same level. What would you need? How can we improve the situation?”

After communicating your problem, take some time and reflect on the situation and on what was discussed. Keep up the communication to ensure progress in resolving the problem.

If you feel that the communication barrier is too high, involving a mediator can be a good idea. This can be a supervisor, but also an ombudsperson. Companies and institutes do often have persons specially trained in helping handle and resolve such situations.

Unfortunately, in some working environments, communicating your problems as a female comes with even more challenges such as being perceived as weak, and when speaking up, pushy. Here, it is important to not let yourself be silenced. If you face unjust criticism, stay consistent, stay strong. Such reactions say more about them and their inability to interface with strong women and less about you. In such situations it might be helpful to speak up and clearly reject such statements. Do not tolerate sexism at any point. Females communicating problems in a constructive, calm manner should not be subject to being called “tough” and “pushy” and being told to get out of their “victim-hood”. This is a failure in communication by the other party, and we suggest asking for a mediator or talking to a supervisor. Do not, however, let it stop you from communicating your problems.

In addition, communication styles differ from culture to culture. While Germans tend to have a very direct way of communication, this is different in other cultures. The German way of communication can be perceived as impolite or offensive. However, in some cultures, silence is a strong form of communication, which can be missed if one is unaware of such culture-specific cues. These cultural differences should always be kept in mind and considered, especially in our very international work environment.